When something traumatic happens in your life you just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over your head and shut it all out. It's called self-preservation. When it is all too much to absorb, or process. Your body is in shock and you need to go somewhere where nothing can reach you. No questions; no answers; no decisions; no nothing.

Then there is the other side where you NEED to do everything in your power to ensure that nothing like this happens to someone else. You know that's a huge ask … so you scale it down a bit and make it a bit more achievable.

For me, this was doing whatever it took to ensure that Tahl's friends, family, acquaintances and those who knew of her, could and would take that second longer to make a good call while driving. Maybe think twice before they looked to see who had sent them a message on their phone or tried to call them …. or just think a moment before taking a corner at speed and slow it down …. or not worry about reaching for that handbag, wallet or phone that just went flying off the seat …. or just know that speeding isn't really going to get you there any quicker - in fact, you are more likely to be stressed out and make poor decisions that makes everything worse …. or know when your mate says that you shouldn't be getting behind the wheel that you really shouldn't be … and all the million other things that cause us to be momentarily distracted behind the wheel.

You know you can't change reality. She is gone and no amount of what you do will bring her back. Though just for a time you want all that effort to count for something and make the meaningless meaningful somehow.

The first was the TKS - It can wait heart logo that loads of her friends posted as a reminder and to honour her memory.

In between that there were the newspaper articles and social media posts (which included the trolls who sadly appear to be born without a grain of compassion or humanity).

The next was the submission to council to lower the speed to 80km. Against the odds we won. And as I drive down that road, I feel proud that I helped to make that happen (little did I know at the time that most people's submissions comprised of a sentence or two at the most, and not the several pages I submitted evaluating the IRR rating, previous accident history and so on!)

And more recently the road campaign. It's taken nearly 3 years for it to become a reality - the wheels of progress can be slow. Though progress it is, thanks to the tireless efforts of a policeman, who knew Tahl through hockey and has become like a friend to me. Not all families want what I want. In fact, many don't want the publicity at all. For me personally, it was something I had to do. I had to put on my big girl knickers, pull then up high, take a deep breath and find the 'right' photo (do you know how difficult it can be to find the right head shot with no one else in the frame!), and then summarise, in a minute no less, who she was, what happened, what I felt when the police pulled into to my driveway and the effect it has had on my life. 

A lot of people have commented on how strong and brave I have been to do this … if only they could have seen how many times I sat in my car with tears streaming down my face because it feels like yesterday it all happened - raw and surreal. And that not a second goes by that I don't miss her. Yet, I knew there was no backing out, though I had the opportunity to do so at any stage. These are the actions I make for my beautiful, sassy. courageous, darling girl. 

I totally respect that it's not everyone's cup of tea. Grief it such a personal, private emotion, not to be truly understood by anyone except the person experiencing it. There is no right or wrong. There is no making sense of it at times, even though you are desperately wanting to. It just is … and we survive the best we can.

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